Four years ago, Sally and I set out for a fun photo shoot day to document my barely-there hair. It was soft and blond, and while it definitely still looked like a decision that was made for me, I actually really liked it super short. So it seemed that four years later was a good time to check in. At one point, I figured out that it would take 4.9 years for my hair to completely grow back to its pre-chemo length, and it turns out that math was pretty good. So for a little walk down memory lane:
There were definitely struggles, especially when I was a week or two away from a haircut. But really, I liked a lot of the styles as it grew. I put this collage together for a new friend who is starting to grow out her hair after chemo and had asked about products. I realized that since we’ve only known each other around 6 months, she never saw my short hair. And as I put it together, it struck me how much I really loved the 6-9 months stage (pictures 3 and 4).
So I’ve been thinking about that hair for a while now. I even had a dream that I showed up and demanded that Dragan cut it all off! And while I fantasize about that a lot lately, I can’t seem to take the plunge. It’s taken so long to get to this point!
I was having a hard time figuring out exactly why I can’t cut it. I really did love the way it looked short, and I loved the powerful feeling short hair gave me. But it took so long (four years!) to get to this point, and there were lots of maintenance haircuts and more than a few rough patches. And while it was quicker to get out the door, no ponytail could change my look or save a bad hair day.
But I realized something funny last week. I was in Illinois, seeing friends and family I hadn’t seen in years. In situations like that, people want to ask if you’re still healthy, but they have a hard time knowing how to do it. I choose to just make it easy and at the first suggestion, I will say something about feeling great and having good reports at my latest checkup. Now, to emphasize how long it’s been, I have caught myself mentioning that my hair is long again and I’m feeling great. And so this weekend I realized it. My long hair is a milestone. The further the end of each strand of hair is from my scalp, the further I am from cancer. Now when I tell people that I had cancer, they can quickly know that it was a while ago, because otherwise, I wouldn’t have such long hair, right?
My hair desperately needs to be cut. As a matter of fact, I think my last haircut was just before that curly shot in November. The ends are starting to split and it’s just getting that unhealthy look to it. I had been putting it off, and about the same time I realized why I’m holding onto the long, high maintenance hair (which I do love, too, by the way), I realized why I haven’t scheduled that appointment. I can’t decide whether to ask for a trim or to go back in time three and half years.