Contained Excitement

So I know that everyone was THRILLED with the “cancer free” pathology report last week. Lots of people even cried with joy. I didn’t. I guess it sounded too good to be true– too easy. Which is ridiculous, I know. Sixteen weeks of chemo, no hair, double mastectomy– that’s easy? Oh, and the day I got home from the hospital, to add insult to injury, almost all of my eyelashes and eyebrows fell out. Perfect. So that doesn’t sound easy, I know. But really, it still has been so much more bearable than I’d expected, and after so much bad news, I think it’s hard to believe the good.

And so I went to all three appointments last week with contained excitement. All of my doctors were so pleased with the pathology reports– zero of eight lymph nodes were positive, so that’s a good sampling and a great result. No cancer left in any of the breast tissue removed– only scarring where the original tumor was located. The downside (why did I know that was coming) is that two of my four doctors think radiation is not necessary based on the fact that all the margins were clean and there was no evidence of cancer in the lymph nodes. But the other two recommend radiation based on the aggressive nature of the original tumor. Which means that on Thursday I will yet again be the subject of the Tumor Board, where my four doctors will discuss me all in the same room in the company of their fellow Oncology Department colleagues to come up with a recommendation for me. So a few prayer requests– that the doctors will make a wise decision concerning my care, and that I will make a wise decision based on their recommendation. Obviously, if they can’t agree 100%, then there is room for me to make a decision, and I want to make the right one.

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