I woke up the other morning with a headache. Back in the day, I’d have groaned about it while I walked to the kitchen, popped a few ibuprofen, and then I’d get on with my day. But now? Well, it’s complicated. To be perfectly honest, I’ve always had the occasional headache, only rarely would they last after I took a few ibuprofen. The last time I saw my oncologist, she asked about headaches and I told her that I have them occasionally. Of course, she asked whether they went away when I took ibuprofen, and I had to admit that I don’t really take it any more. I knew she wanted to know because a headache that is controlled by over the counter meds doesn’t indicate a scan-worthy concern.
So why won’t I take ibuprofen? It’s not because I’m anti-meds. Of course, I know they can be misused and abused, but I’ve always been one to (responsibly, of course) embrace whatever the pharmaceutical industry can give me. (Narcotics, an ambien, and an epidural made for a nearly blissful birth experience!) But since I had cancer, I hesitate to take something even as mundane as ibuprofen. Not because I’m tired of taking pills and just don’t want to anymore. Though I think that’s a pretty reasonable reaction. But once she had asked, I had to admit the reason out loud. I want to feel the pain. Not because I want to suffer. But because I want to know just how much my head hurt, and for how long. I feel like if it’s the start of a problem, I want to know right away. Of course, my oncologist told me what I knew deep down. I should take the meds. What I need to worry about is pain that can’t be controlled by the meds or that lasts for a couple of weeks.
So the other morning when I woke up with a headache? A quick check of my P-tracker (yes, there’s an app for that) told me that it was most certainly a PMS headache– something I’ve dealt with since long before I had breast cancer. So I took a deep breath, told myself not to worry about it, and swallowed my ibuprofen. And what do you know? The headache went away.