Waiting Game

I’d like to think that I’m a patient person. And sometimes I am, I’m sure. But not always. Like now, it seems like waiting another three weeks for surgery is ridiculous. I feel like I’m doing nothing, or at least nothing productive in the fight against this cancer. Of course, that’s not entirely true. I’m healing, and that’s an important step in being ready for surgery. And of course, I am keeping busy. I’ve been blessed with fabulous friends– weekly runs in Old Town with Sally are the first thing to go on my schedule. Coffees, lunch dates, and shopping trips keep me smiling and plenty distracted.

I did get a bit of good news last week. I had an MRI, my first since October. The tumor that they had seen back in October is no longer visible on the MRI. That’s great news. While it doesn’t mean that there’s no cancer at all left, it does mean that the chemo had a positive effect. Unfortunately, the good news doesn’t really change anything either. I’ll still have surgery March 13, and I’ll still have to wait a week or so after that for the pathology report. The pathology report is really what I’m waiting (not so patiently) on, that’s when we’ll know whether I’ll have radiation or more chemo once I’m all healed from surgery.

Now two weeks out from my last chemo treatment, I’m eagerly waiting to feel “normal.” Whatever that is. I’m still pretty worn out, but have been sleeping better, so I’m hopeful that my energy is on its way back. I’ve had a little neuropathy– three of my fingertips and all my toes feel a little fuzzy. Kind of like when you’ve been out in the cold too long, and you come inside and can’t tell if they’re still cold or hot… They don’t hurt and I can still walk, run, hold things, and type. They just feel weird. Tired and fuzzy-toed, though, I’m still so grateful to be feeling as well as I do, keeping up a relatively normal schedule with my friends and family.

And so for three weeks I’ll try to be patient. I’ll get some rest and some exercise, hoping one of the two will help me not to feel so tired. And I’ll enjoy every run, coffee, lunch, and phone chat as I pass the time. Waiting.

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