Just Me

Before we headed out on our photo shoot a couple of weeks ago, I was looking around on pinterest for some things to put on my Run Lipstick Chemo pinboard. I stumbled across some photos of a woman photographed just after she finished chemo. She was wearing a plain grey t-shirt and looked so casual and contemplative in the pictures. They were lovely. So instead of showing up for pictures in one of the lovely silk blouses I’d chosen originally (which of course, we did photograph eventually), I showed up in a plain grey tank top and my favorite yoga pants. I’d have never thought of being photographed in something so plain, but it turns out, I really loved the way all these pictures turned out. It was so hard to only show a few.

The other thing that surprised me about these photos—I’m not at all self-conscious of how I look, despite the fact that I was not even all the way through the first stage of reconstruction. It’s a long process, but I have to say that my surgeon is not only very compassionate, but wants to make sure that I’m pleased with how I look every step of the way. He made it very clear from our first meeting that he didn’t want me to feel like this was how I had to look because I had breast cancer, or even that I looked “good enough” for having had cancer. He wanted me to be happy with how I looked. Period.

In those pictures I saw on pinterest, the woman still had her port in. Why didn’t I have any pictures of my port? I can’t believe it! I told Sally that I didn’t want her to photoshop out my port scar, even still, you really can hardly see it in most of the pictures. Thankfully, it’s pretty prominent in one of my favorite shots. I like that I don’t have on fancy clothes or statement jewelry. These pictures are just me, scars and all. And that’s not good enough. It’s just good.