Somehow the new year and all the talk of resolutions got me to thinking about second chances, do-overs. With the advantage of hindsight, I started to think about what I wish I had done differently. Thankfully, I can’t honestly think of any “big” things I’d change. Really, only two came to mind.
First, I’d let people know that I needed them more. No, I don’t wish that I’d accepted more help, but I do hope that everyone who went to coffee with me, brought my family dinner, or took care of my kids knows that it really was a big deal to me. I needed their help, and I was (and remain) so very grateful.
Second, I’d take more pictures. I’m sure there are a lot of you shaking your head– more pictures? But yes. I realized that I don’t have any pictures with my port– it was never my goal to hide it, but it didn’t seem to show up in any pictures. And yes, it was freaky-ugly, but Turner really loved gently petting it– he is so compassionate and I think he was reacting to the pain that I felt there when it first went in. But the pictures I really wish I had? All those coffee dates, lunches, and chemo visitors. There must be at least ten of fifteen different friends who spent mornings with me, and I would love to have taken a quick snap of myself with each of those ladies. Sure, I didn’t always look glorious. I was bald, that’s not how most women want to be remembered. But I like to think that if I had those pictures, I wouldn’t see the bald head. I would see the smiling face of a woman who is loved.