I feel like this is the shirt I need lately. (Note to creative-type readers, this is not the tee that I want, I don’t really see myself wearing it, so no need to get all crafty and gift me one!)

When I got my port put in, they put it high on my chest just under my clavicle on my right side. For the first week, it was very painful. The constant pain eventually subsided, but it was always a bit of a sensitive area. I was relieved that the port would come out during my mastectomy, but then I went home with the tissue expanders. I had them just shy of six months, and for the entire time, my right side bothered me. It wasn’t unbearable, but the constant tightness was always tighter on the right, and the spasms that started to really drive me crazy at the end were always on the right side. After last week’s surgery, despite the fact that I was far more bruised on the left, there’s almost no pain or discomfort there. Any residual muscle and back pains (very minor) and most of the weird, tingly irritation is still on the right side! As I was telling Sally this, I mentioned the irony: the cancer was on the left. That explained it, she told me. I chopped off a perfectly healthy breast and now it’s getting even.

Maxi skirt: check. Reading material: check. And that’s about all I’m going to need for the next few hours. I’m checked in and waiting for my 9am surgery time, eager to get this last surgery checked off my list. And since I haven’t been sleeping great, I’m looking forward to some peaceful, drug induced sleep. But first: fall fashion mags. Which I get to read in peace. Not so bad, really.

(This is one of the more pay it forward kind of posts– far more interesting to someone approaching this surgery themselves than to most. Feel free to skim if you’d rather not hear all about compression bras!)

The kids were back at school today, so I set off to get myself ready for this week’s surgery. Step one: coffee with a friend who’s been there. She brought along some encouragement, friendly advice, and these maxi skirts. For the record, I think some people look adorable in a maxi skirt, but I’ve never liked one on myself. I was thrilled that she would loan these to me since I didn’t see myself wearing them past the four week mark when I get to lose the almost to the knees bike-short style compression gear. When I got home, I set out to trying them, seeing which tops might go with them and cover the compression bras that I already have (though I’ll come home from the hospital with more)– the “nice” one I got at Nordstrom but couldn’t really wear after the first surgery, and the awful one from the hospital. The one from Nordstrom is a bit more streamlined, but it’s cut a lot higher and didn’t have quite enough compression the last time around. The icky hospital one is lower cut but has a lot of velcro that bunches and flips up in really awkward ways. To deal with that the last time around, I took to wearing a sports bra over it– just to keep all the flaps down. My secret weapon? An XL undershirt from the little girls’ section. Tank tops from the women’s section are too low cut and show the bra, but these from the little girls section are great for layering to cover the top of the bra. The last step will have to be all those scarves I wore to cover my bald head last fall, wrapping those around my neck will help hide some of the bulkiness of the bra. I was lucky to be able to wear bulky sweaters after my last surgery, but I’m not willing to wait for colder weather for this surgery, so when it comes to my wardrobe, I think it will just be a make it work moment.

Having just been to the doctor’s office this week, surgery’s back on my mind.  Immediately after the mastectomy, of course some pain and weakness are totally expected. Since I’d spent time with the physical therapist before the surgery, I knew that my range of motion would be limited at first.  I could raise my arms to shoulder level as soon as possible, and by the end of six weeks I should be able to raise my arms straight up over my head.  She cautioned me that I should take things slowly, but that I needed to work to get back a full range of motion.  Being overprotective would actually work against me, she said she’d worked with women who couldn’t raise their arms higher than their shoulders years after their mastectomy.  Determined not to have that problem, I worked on her exercises to have a full range of motion as soon as it was allowed.  At this point, I think my shoulders are as flexible as they ever were.  The pectoral muscles are still an issue.  They’re always a little tight, when the physician’s assistant described it as my body’s “white noise,” I think she got it just right.  There’s always a tightness, but I don’t always notice it.  Then there are times when those muscles are definitely spasm-ing (is that a word?) and while it’s not painful, it’s really uncomfortable.  Those muscle issues should lessen after my final surgery, though they could continue long after I’m “back to normal.”  In chatting with my doctor, I asked if exercise would lessen or exacerbate the muscle tightness.  He assured me that stretching is good, but strength building of those muscles might cause more harm than good.  So no push ups for me!  Can’t say I’m too sad about that!  (Though I do miss the plank and push up heavy neighborhood boot camp…)  Still, I can work on my arm muscles, and he encouraged me to strengthen my back.  Apparently, the way the muscles are pulled causes the shoulders to want to slump forward, so strengthening my back will help naturally pull my shoulders back into place.  Right now, I think I’m focusing on getting my groove back on the trails, but after I get the post-surgery green light, I’ll be adding some weights into my running routine to keep my arms and back strong.