I met a new friend a couple of weeks ago, a friend of a friend, who has just finished her battery of treatments for breast cancer. I enjoyed talking with her, she gave me some tips and even a few hats! She’s a writer and commented that if she were to write a book about her experience, it would be entitled Laundry Doesn’t Stop for Cancer. Not that I’ve been doing nothing but laundry for the last week, but it’s been a “normal” week. And being a mom doesn’t stop just because I have cancer. So I’ve been keeping busy with normal mom things, and am thrilled that I’ve been able.

I’m still holding my afternoons sacred for naps, but have managed to last this long and still have no nausea, so we’ve been able to reduce my steroids (which help control nausea) in the hopes that I’ll sleep better– they make me pretty wired!
With the holidays coming, there are plenty of “normal events” to keep me busy: concerts, parties, dinners. As long as I can, I’ll keep napping my afternoons away so that I can keep up with my family during this busy time of year. And so I can keep up with all this laundry.

My third trip to chemo took me back to one of the common rooms.  There are three, and it’s pretty easy to tell which is the sad, quiet room.  Obviously I don’t choose that one!  There was another woman in this room who I’d met the first day, and so it was fun chatting with her again. In this photo, you can see my slurpee.  During my first trip to chemo, my nurse told me that I should suck on ice or keep something cold during part of my infusion.  Adriamycin is a particularly nasty drug, instead of letting it drip in over time, she would “push” it directly into the line into my port.  It takes about ten minutes for her to slowly inject it into my line.  Studies have shown that cryotherapy—bathing the mouth in ice—will help prevent mouth sores that are a common side effect from chemo.  So after I put on some lipstick (Dubonnet again!), we head to 7-11 to pick up a big slurpee.  I stash it in a little cooler so that it’s cold and icy when we get to the Adriamycin push.  I love a good slurpee, but by the time she’s finished, I’m usually freezing and sick of my beloved coke slurpee.

I am thankful for so much this year. It would be easy to complain about the interruption in my life– the time and energy that I’m losing to cancer. But it’s just an interruption, and complaining would only use up more time and energy.

Strangely, I’m oh so thankful for a cyst. Over and over again, doctors have told me how shocked they are that I presented with a cyst and was diagnosed with cancer. But the wonderful thing about the cyst is that it got big quickly and got me to a surgeon right away– nearly five years before I would have had a normal mammogram. The crazy formation of the cyst allowed me to be diagnosed while the cancer is still very treatable. I’m thankful for a surgeon who wanted to aspirate that cyst even though many doctors wouldn’t have encouraged me to do so. I’m thankful for a team of doctors who have coordinated all kinds of appointments and tests for me, just telling me when and where to show up, and for the fact that they have personally ensured that everything is scheduled in a timely manner.

I’m thankful that both kids are in school now and I’m able to stay at home, managing all the appointments and chemo is so much easier when I can schedule everything and rest while they’re at school so that I can be “on” when they are home. And I’m so grateful for a super huge bus stop– it’s a whole community where the kids play for an hour after school most days, even on holidays and weekends. I always know that someone (usually several someones!) will look out for my kids if I can’t make it. I’ve made some great friends there and it’s so wonderful to live in a community where you run into friends all the time.

I’m thankful for an army of friends, relatives, and friends of friends who pray for me, encourage me, and take care of me and my family. Even though I’ve felt relatively well so far, I lose a lot of hours each day to napping and appointments, so not having to worry about cooking dinner every night is such a weight off my mind. I’m collecting a whole big box of the kindest cards and notes, I wish I could thank everyone personally, but there are far too many. It’s so touching how many think of me and take the time to write me.

Of course, I’m thankful for my dear friend Sally. She’s blessed my family with the most special photos of us all together, and I know so many appreciate the photos she’s taking of me to share along the way. She’s made time to come along with me to appointments, chemo, wig shopping, and when I had my head shaved. She’s got her own family to take care of, yet she makes sure that I don’t walk a step alone. We have a lot of fun, honestly, but every once in a while shake our heads that this is how we now fill our mornings out. And yet, I’m sure it never crosses her mind not to tag along. My parents and brother check on me all the time and I know think of me even more. I’m sure hardest of all, they’re letting me have some independence to try to keep things normal for my family. I couldn’t be more thankful for two kids than I am for Emma Clare and Turner. They play together so well– I’m sure they argue and occasionally there are tears, but for the most part, if we’re home, they find something to do together and I have to ask them to come hang out with me! They’re great at letting me nap, they’ll watch TV or play together quietly enough for me to sleep for a couple of hours, even if Clay is at work. They love me so much, and have dealt with everything from missed field trips to my bald head with such graciousness. And I’m so thankful for Clay. He takes care of me when I need it, lets me be normal when I can, and tells me I’m beautiful (and means it!) even now that I have no hair.
God continues to make my body strong. Every day I am thankful for the strength I have. I am overwhelmed with gratitude, knowing that even in a difficult situation, I couldn’t ask for more.

And here is the “after,” the wig after a little breaking in and with no extra hair underneath. It really looks so much like my real hair.  But, it feels like a step or two above American Girl doll hair.  I’m a fiddler—I’ve always played with my hair, tucking it behind my ears, pulling it up off my neck…  This is going to take some getting used to; long, curly, synthetic hair is not for a fiddler.  I’ll never be able to run my fingers through this “hair,” so I need to learn to leave it alone.  I’m ok with the scarf look, though, and I’m so glad the kids are, too.  Putting on all this hair feels a little like playing dress up to me—it feels too fake.  And somehow it makes me feel stronger to go out sans hair.  So I’m betting this lovely wig may not get a lot of wear…  And that’s ok.