I’d like to think that I’m a patient person. And sometimes I am, I’m sure. But not always. Like now, it seems like waiting another three weeks for surgery is ridiculous. I feel like I’m doing nothing, or at least nothing productive in the fight against this cancer. Of course, that’s not entirely true. I’m healing, and that’s an important step in being ready for surgery. And of course, I am keeping busy. I’ve been blessed with fabulous friends– weekly runs in Old Town with Sally are the first thing to go on my schedule. Coffees, lunch dates, and shopping trips keep me smiling and plenty distracted.

I did get a bit of good news last week. I had an MRI, my first since October. The tumor that they had seen back in October is no longer visible on the MRI. That’s great news. While it doesn’t mean that there’s no cancer at all left, it does mean that the chemo had a positive effect. Unfortunately, the good news doesn’t really change anything either. I’ll still have surgery March 13, and I’ll still have to wait a week or so after that for the pathology report. The pathology report is really what I’m waiting (not so patiently) on, that’s when we’ll know whether I’ll have radiation or more chemo once I’m all healed from surgery.

Now two weeks out from my last chemo treatment, I’m eagerly waiting to feel “normal.” Whatever that is. I’m still pretty worn out, but have been sleeping better, so I’m hopeful that my energy is on its way back. I’ve had a little neuropathy– three of my fingertips and all my toes feel a little fuzzy. Kind of like when you’ve been out in the cold too long, and you come inside and can’t tell if they’re still cold or hot… They don’t hurt and I can still walk, run, hold things, and type. They just feel weird. Tired and fuzzy-toed, though, I’m still so grateful to be feeling as well as I do, keeping up a relatively normal schedule with my friends and family.

And so for three weeks I’ll try to be patient. I’ll get some rest and some exercise, hoping one of the two will help me not to feel so tired. And I’ll enjoy every run, coffee, lunch, and phone chat as I pass the time. Waiting.

Grrr.  After a few back and forth phone calls, my surgery has been officially rescheduled for March 13.  I was really pretty bummed about it at first—somehow waiting an extra two weeks seems like an awful long wait!  Plus, that puts my surgery three days before Emma Clare’s birthday, which doesn’t please me at all.  My plastic surgeon is super conservative, though, and apparently studies show that it’s better to wait a little longer after chemo—my body will be able to heal better at that point and better healing leads to a better outcome.  So I’m trying to keep the big picture in mind.  We’ll just do Emma Clare’s birthday party a week early and then we’ll be able to celebrate on her real birthday with her grandparents—a rare treat!  Surgery ends up pretty close to spring break this way, too.  But I think that will work out best for everyone.  My mom can take the kids back with her and Clay’s parents can pick them up from my parents and bring them back after spring break.  Wonder what I’ll do with myself with all that free time?  Somehow I think I’ll figure something out…

It “snowed” this morning.  OK, yes, there was snow.  A teeny bit of snow, mostly some mushy slush.  But this was our first snow of the season, and we didn’t get any decent snow last year.  The schools were quick to call a two hour delay.  And I was quick to pull out the snow boots that I bought last year and still hadn’t worn.  When we scheduled my chemo a few weeks ago, there wasn’t an early morning appointment, and I was disappointed with my later appointment.  As it turns out, though, it worked out perfectly, the kids got on the bus two hours late and I headed to my (later than usual) appointment.  The big bummer was that I was arriving at the parking garage much later in the day than usual, and the snow had covered the parking lines on some of the exposed parts of the garage so people didn’t park as efficiently as usual, so I drove around forever looking for a parking space.  There is a sort of side lot that bumps off the main part of the garage and it’s not covered.  It’s a one way area, and when I saw two different cars starting to back out in that area, I headed in to wait for a spot.  Just as the first car backed out, a car came in the wrong way and swooped in, stealing the spot from me.  Fine.  At least there’s another one.  Wrong, some other joker followed that first car in and stole the second spot.  I can’t remember if I honked—I should have!—but I did quickly whip off my scarf and was sure to make eye contact with those law breakers.  They didn’t hop in the car and move to let me have the spot, but I sure hope they were at least a little embarrassed that they stole those spots from a bald chick!  (I did manage to find a spot eventually, but was at least ten or fifteen minutes late for my appointment.  Luckily they were understanding, everyone was late, it was a crazy day!)

After meeting with the surgical oncologist and plastic surgeon, my surgery is officially scheduled for February 27. It seems like it’s coming up so soon, I can’t believe how quickly this treatment is going by. Both surgeons have made sure that I know what to expect, and while the surgery is supposed to take the better part of the day, the plastic surgeon assured me that it is not major surgery. When I wake, my body won’t have to recover from significant physiological trauma, so recovery shouldn’t be too tough. I’ll stay in the hospital overnight and may have a nurse check on me at home to make sure that I’m healing well until I start my weekly visits with the plastic surgeon. They’ve also made sure that I have prescriptions for pain medication and physical therapy so that I can be ready when I go in for the surgery. The physical therapists will also visit me in the hospital, but visiting with someone ahead of time will make sure that I have an idea of what I should and should not be doing post-surgery. Apparently, while it is important not to overuse my arms or lift anything heavy, it is equally important not to sit around with my arms folded across my chest. By the end of two weeks, I should be able to resume most normal activities, though I imagine there will still be some lifting restrictions for a while. I was also cautioned at one point against blow drying my hair, but I’m thinking that’s not going to be such an issue!

In the meeting with the surgical oncologist, she did discuss the possibility of radiation. Given the results of my PET scan from October showing that the tumor seemed localized to the breast, I wasn’t thinking that radiation was very likely. She will still do a sentinel node biopsy– to check the first lymph node(s) from the breast. Cancer in these nodes would indicate a need for radiation, though again, it seems unlikely. However, the MRI did indicate that the initial tumor was close to the chest wall. (I still can’t decide why I didn’t know that before last week…) While the chemotherapy has shrunk the tumor to the point that it is no longer palpable (my doctors are all thrilled with that!), if any tumor remains close to the chest wall, radiation may be necessary after all. Clay keeps telling me that I should mentally plan on radiation so that I won’t be disappointed if I need it. And of course, it would be a nice “surprise” if I were able to skip that step. I’m having a little harder time with accepting the possibility of radiation, though. Going through additional treatment means more time spent at the hospital, potentially more fatigue, and more time away from my goal of just being normal. And because irradiated skin takes more time to heal, the reconstruction process will take much longer, too. I’m so thankful for all the prayers for my strength– I feel confident that God has continued to make my body strong enough to withstand so many of the ill effects of chemotherapy. And so now I would ask for your prayers that I might not need radiation, and that if radiation is necessary, that I will be able to keep it in perspective. In the grand scheme of things, a few more months to normal isn’t really all that much…