So honestly, I really haven’t played the cancer card much. It’s a very valuable card, it can get you out of a lot of things (I’m sorry, I just can’t make that field trip/ serve on that committee/ come to that event, I have cancer) and can get you into a lot of things, too (lots of doors held for me, and my kids get into the pediatrician lightening fast!). That said, not even three weeks out from chemo, and I can feel the ink on my cancer card fading. I woke up this morning with pink eye and so immediately called the oncologist, expecting to have a prescription called in right away. Instead, they passed me off to my primary care physician, who couldn’t see me for a few days and passed me off to the Target Clinic. I must say, I felt a little “common” sitting there waiting for the clinic nurse to see me so that I could just get some antibiotic drops to take care of my crazy red eye. I feel sorry for those shopping with me at Target while I waited, though. I was super vigilant about hand sanitizer, so I don’t think I passed along any germs. But a bald woman with crazy, swollen red eyes, no makeup, and glasses wearing yoga pants and a fleece isn’t really the best look. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt less glamorous pushing around a Target shopping cart! I ended up spending more time there than I’d hoped, too, and was getting hungry. I’m sure I looked super fab sitting in the clinic area in that state, eating Twizzlers from a family-sized bag. But go ahead and judge. I’ll show you my cancer card, and then you’ll feel bad.
I gave it to the peach (‘cause he’s got hair)
It seems like the number one question these days is about my hair—when will it grow back? They told me to expect it to start growing back about six weeks after surgery, so I won’t be needing that hairbrush anytime soon. In fact, I’m not even completely sure where it is… I think my hair might be starting to thicken up a bit, but what hair is there is still completely blonde. And just about anyone I meet who’s gone through chemo has curlier hair when it all grows back. Since it’s still so light, I will probably look bald for a while, but perhaps in a few months I’ll be sporting a spiky ‘do like Charlize Theron at the oscars! Anne Hathaway’s lovely locks will take a little longer to grow, but at least these fashionable ladies have given me a little confidence that I, too, can rock the short hair. Now we just have to wait for it to grow in!
A Special Delivery
A friend emailed me yesterday to make sure that I would be home this morning to accept a special delivery. So glad I made sure to meet her—she showed up with Starbucks and two lovely pink boxes bearing the most delicious treats. Lemon cupcakes with the most fabulous lemony frosting—the perfect blend of sweet and tart, made with lots of real lemon zest, and the most adorable cookies made JUST for me! I’ve monogrammed clothes for her little ones through the years, and so she knew these fabulous monogrammed cookies would bring a smile to my face! I hated to eat them, but after making sure I had some really great pics, I took a bite, they’re yummy too! I really do have the best friends.
No hair. But furry ears? Sure.
Who says little girls should have all the fun at Easter?
Waiting Game
I’d like to think that I’m a patient person. And sometimes I am, I’m sure. But not always. Like now, it seems like waiting another three weeks for surgery is ridiculous. I feel like I’m doing nothing, or at least nothing productive in the fight against this cancer. Of course, that’s not entirely true. I’m healing, and that’s an important step in being ready for surgery. And of course, I am keeping busy. I’ve been blessed with fabulous friends– weekly runs in Old Town with Sally are the first thing to go on my schedule. Coffees, lunch dates, and shopping trips keep me smiling and plenty distracted.
I did get a bit of good news last week. I had an MRI, my first since October. The tumor that they had seen back in October is no longer visible on the MRI. That’s great news. While it doesn’t mean that there’s no cancer at all left, it does mean that the chemo had a positive effect. Unfortunately, the good news doesn’t really change anything either. I’ll still have surgery March 13, and I’ll still have to wait a week or so after that for the pathology report. The pathology report is really what I’m waiting (not so patiently) on, that’s when we’ll know whether I’ll have radiation or more chemo once I’m all healed from surgery.
Now two weeks out from my last chemo treatment, I’m eagerly waiting to feel “normal.” Whatever that is. I’m still pretty worn out, but have been sleeping better, so I’m hopeful that my energy is on its way back. I’ve had a little neuropathy– three of my fingertips and all my toes feel a little fuzzy. Kind of like when you’ve been out in the cold too long, and you come inside and can’t tell if they’re still cold or hot… They don’t hurt and I can still walk, run, hold things, and type. They just feel weird. Tired and fuzzy-toed, though, I’m still so grateful to be feeling as well as I do, keeping up a relatively normal schedule with my friends and family.
And so for three weeks I’ll try to be patient. I’ll get some rest and some exercise, hoping one of the two will help me not to feel so tired. And I’ll enjoy every run, coffee, lunch, and phone chat as I pass the time. Waiting.
Nothing Like a Little Lipstick
With chemo all wrapped up, I feel like I’ve finally got some time to do things I’ve neglected. I had a Christmas exchange at Nordstrom that I’ve been needing to get to, so Sally and I met up there this week. Thankfully, I ended up with a $25 credit, so we obviously headed right over to the cosmetic counters. There was a MAC lipstick I’d read about that I wanted to check out. Unfortunately, it was a pretty dull color, so I appealed to the women working there to help me find a new lipstick color. My only criteria was that I wanted something that was bold—I’ve found that’s they key to looking happy and healthy while out and about with my bald head wrapped in a scarf. I’ve always loved a good lipstick, but these past few months, my lipstick choice has been so much more important to me. The last thing I want is to look sick and pitiful. The first color she suggested would look “just perfect” on me. Yep, I agree. Dubonnet is one of my favorites. She grabbed another, more neutral tone. Just like another fave, Cosmo. She asked about a bright red—I’ve got a couple of those that I really like. Then she picked out a crazy bright pink. I pulled out my lipstick pouch to confirm, it was pretty much the same as my Smashbox Fuchsia Flash. She got distracted by another customer and gave up on us. Finally after about thirty minutes Sally and I strolled over to the Nars counter and I picked one that I’d never choose, at least I don’t already have that one. I doubted I’d like it—too fuchsia. Of course, when the Nars representative told me that she didn’t have any in stock, I knew I’d probably like it after all. Sure enough, I loved it. It’s in the mail. Can’t wait until my new Funny Face arrives.
Major Milestone!
Today was my eighth round of chemo. As in, round eight of eight! I’m trying not to fixate too much on it being the LAST one, as there is still the possibility that I’ll need to do more after surgery. Still, whether this was the last one, or just the last one for a while, I still think it merits celebration! Sally came with me today and since my appointment is about a four and a half hour treatment, we have to eat lunch there. I decided that I wanted a yummy cheese board for lunch, so I headed to Trader Joe’s and stocked up this morning on cheese, bread, and grapes. For dessert, I made chocolate cupcakes with salted caramel frosting, I’ve been wanting to make them for ages. And that frosting was SO good! I made mini cupcakes so I could hand them out to the nurses and my friends at chemo, which was a lot of fun. I’m sure it seems silly, but I’ll actually kind of miss my time at chemo. The last few weeks I’ve been lucky enough to score a private room—definitely good for my cheese selection, we needed the extra space and one cheese was a little smelly… Even so, I’ve made sure to unplug for a bit and push around my infusion pump so that I could chat with my chemo friends. Michelle finished up last time, but I was able to make sure that the French girl and the other people in the big room with her got some cupcakes. I’m pretty sure the old guy in the corner thought I was crazy pushing around my pump and carrying cupcakes in the other hand!
I got home with about five minutes to spare before I needed to get the kids, so I headed to the house to drop off my things and then walk back to the bus stop. Imagine my surprise (and delight!) to find this scene waiting for me!
A few of my friends from the bus stop decorated my door with shiny wrapping paper, balloons, flowers, cookies, and some other little treats to celebrate. How many times can I say it, I really do have the best friends!
So now begins the long wait for surgery. But I’m looking forward to feeling a little more normal as the weeks go by– maybe not taking so many naps, having my fingers and toes a little less tingly, seeing what my hair looks like when it starts to grow back! I’m hoping to make the most of my normal time before another disruption. And I’m really looking forward to another one of those cupcakes!
Officially Rescheduled
Grrr. After a few back and forth phone calls, my surgery has been officially rescheduled for March 13. I was really pretty bummed about it at first—somehow waiting an extra two weeks seems like an awful long wait! Plus, that puts my surgery three days before Emma Clare’s birthday, which doesn’t please me at all. My plastic surgeon is super conservative, though, and apparently studies show that it’s better to wait a little longer after chemo—my body will be able to heal better at that point and better healing leads to a better outcome. So I’m trying to keep the big picture in mind. We’ll just do Emma Clare’s birthday party a week early and then we’ll be able to celebrate on her real birthday with her grandparents—a rare treat! Surgery ends up pretty close to spring break this way, too. But I think that will work out best for everyone. My mom can take the kids back with her and Clay’s parents can pick them up from my parents and bring them back after spring break. Wonder what I’ll do with myself with all that free time? Somehow I think I’ll figure something out…
Covering a lot of Ground
I’m definitely not running as far, as frequently, or as quickly as I would be without chemo. But Sally and I have been making it a point to meet up at least once a week to run together. We’re a good pair—she’s got a two year old in stroller slowing her down, so we’re always so relieved when the other wants a walk break! It was so uncharacteristically warm today, the perfect day for a run. The other great thing about running with a stroller (or a friend with a stroller, that is) is that I can shed gloves, my jacket, even my hat when it gets too warm. And while I don’t carry it along with me in the stroller, I did still put on some lipstick before leaving it in the car. If I’m going to be bald, I want to look healthy and bald. (The Dior Lip Addict my mom gave me for Christmas is just the perfect amount of natural color.) Running along the Mt. Vernon trail is always lovely, but Sally and I have some fun chats when we’re together. You can cover a lot of ground—figuratively and literally—in an hour on the trails.
Magic Eight Ball
Emma Clare got a Magic Eight Ball for Christmas. Not being old enough for crushes (I think! Or I hope?) she didn’t have the same questions for the Magic Eight Ball that I remember from middle school slumber parties! So after a few quick questions about whether or not we’d see snow the next day, the kids quickly turned to the subject of my hair. I’ve lost a TON of hair, and there’s no doubt that I did the right thing in shaving it. But I’ve never been completely, shiny-headed bald. I have a little peach fuzz, though it’s much lighter than the hair that fell out. So they, along with the help of the MEB, decided that my hair will come back in curly and blonde. Or red. Or brown. Thankfully not purple, according to a few tries with the MEB. Funny, they didn’t ask about green…
Run Lipstick Chemo 